KayShay Code // Rule #6 // Don't Sweat The Small Stuff
July 1, 2015
Rule #6: Don’t sweat the small stuff
Often I wonder how old/wise I have to be to learn the lesson that nothing is that big of a deal. It’s something that we inevitably learn over and over again. Every little bad terrible no good thing that happens we cry and worry and get sick over our circumstances.
When I was going through my divorce, the therapist I was seeing at the time made me repeat a mantra every time I met with her.
No matter what happens, everything will always be OK.
I said it out loud every week. Sometimes twice a week. I repeated it in my head between sessions. I thought I believed it and trusted in it. But, when you’re in the heat of an emotional situation, it’s hard to be certain of it. It’s only in hindsight that you realize that yep, everyone is OK. What if I hadn’t wasted all of that time and energy feeling guilty about the family I was choosing to leave, fighting for my parents’ acceptance, and worrying about the judgment I would receive from others? Why didn’t I believe that my ex-husband would be happy, or happier, in his life without me? Why couldn’t I embrace who I am, without question, and allow the chips fall where they may with my parents and everyone else?
So much fear. Not enough self-compassion. When you’re in it, all you want to do is fix it. Feel better. Make everything right. Sort everyone, yourself included, out. And you can try to do all of those things and have them be prolific efforts with the outcome that you desire, but usually, not everyone will be happy. Not everyone will love the outcome or agree with your decisions.
Can you be OK with that?
If you know that no matter what happens, everything will always be OK, then it makes it easier to move on confidently with the best decision you can make at the time based on your circumstances, do what is best for You, and allow the reactions of others to be strictly their responsibility. They will be OK, after all.
I have been through some shit in my life. The passing of my best friend, a divorce, the unacceptance of my own parents… but honestly it could be so much worse. It could always be worse, don’t tempt fate by believing that whatever you’ve got is as bad as it could possibly be. At the time, those hard moments in my life seemed like such a Big Deal. I sweated. I tried to be responsible for so much more than just me.
But they were just moments. And they passed. And everything is OK.
Stay calm. Do your best. Let it go. It’s All Small Stuff.